I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
