Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
