That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize