I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
