You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
