in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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