He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
