That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
