If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
