Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
