It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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