bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
