so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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