I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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