I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
