I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
