then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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