I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
