woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize