Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
