Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
