The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
