So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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