I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize