Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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