You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
