He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
