I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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