i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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