happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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