It's Friday. Sex?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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