I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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