I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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