If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
