my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
