No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
