Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
