Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
