you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
