Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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