how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
