kristin has been a bad kristin
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
