new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
