I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
