Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize