Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm at about main and main street
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
