I am puke
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize