He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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