Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
