I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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