I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Randomize
