Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
