I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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