I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
