Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
