OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
