There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
