I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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