the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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