I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
