how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
