dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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