so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
