Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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