It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize