My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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