just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
