god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
