I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
