He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
