just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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