mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
