I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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