He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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